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Bourgeois & Maurice – The Third
New album out 11 March 2013!
Order CD £12 inc p&p
Buy digital on iTunes

TRACKS & LYRICS

01 STARTED A BAND

I’ve been searching
For a new thing
I’ve been searching
For something new to sing
I want to find myself a new direction
An injection of adrenaline
Want to tour the world
See foreign lands and so
We started a band

Went to Camden Town
Didn’t have to look far
To find a skinny white boy
On electric guitar
Big bad drums
Will help us keep time
But we’ll strip them out
When we reach the punchline

Jack White
Kurt Cobain
We wanna be just the same
David Bowie
Siouxsie Sioux
We wanna be like you
So we started a band

We want to headline Glastonbury
And we won’t pay tax on our royalties
I’ll be 27 when I die
Remembered forever on Spotify

I wanna go double platinum
And move out of my flat in Dagenham
But everybody’s downloading for free
So I’ll be on tour till I’m 103

Mick Jagger
Ronnie Wood
We could be just as good
John Lennon
Paul McCartney
John Lennon
Iggy Pop
We wanna reach the top
So we started a band

Leather Black Leather
For Ever & Ever
Melody Maker NME
Put us on the cover of your magazine
Mojo Rolling Stone
Make me famous, tap my phone
Cos we just started a……….

02 APOCALYPSO

Coming in from the north we’ve got sun
Coming in from the south we’ve got sun
Coming in from the east we’ve got sun
Oh guys we’re in for a very long summer
Jack Frost has had his day
The ice has melted away
The winter’s gone hip hip hooray
And it’s gonna stay that way
The sea is beautiful jump in
The sea is warm let’s have a swim
The sea is rising so let’s sit
And watch it wash away
Those suspicious little islands
The world is changing it’s exciting
To see tectonic plates colliding
Cities wiped out in a hurricane
But nothing ever stays the same

So what’s so wrong about global warming?
Change is good
Why you gotta be so dull and boring?
Change is good
The earth’s heating up and the sun is shining
Change is good
So stop with all your hippy whining
Change is good

Send those emissions into space
Turn the ozone layer into vintage lace
Prettiest things I’ve ever seen
Are the rainbow patterns on an oil leak
I think about deforestation
During my morning masturbation
As the trees are falling down
I’m coming in my dressing gown

So what’s so wrong about global warming?
Change is good
Why you gotta be so dull and boring?
Change is good
The earth’s heating up and the sun is shining
Change is good
So stop with all your hippy whining
Change is good

A change is as good as a rest
Don’t get so stressed
Chill out and smoke some chronic shit
We may as well be off our tits for the apocalypse

So what’s so wrong about global warming?
Apocalypso
Why you gotta be so dull and boring?
Apocalypso
The earth’s heating up and the sun is shining
Apocalypso
So stop with all your hippy whining

03 C.H.A.O.S

Turning on the television all I see
Is a hundred fat people eating license fees
Politicians giving each other head
Not much between blue yellow and red
And oh my god I think my daughter’s dead
Oh no I just locked her in a sofa bed
Uh oh

Her Royal Highness is standing trial
In the court of Jeremy Kyle
She stands accused of benefit fraud and
Smuggling cocaine from abroad
Save our soul I’m in a K hole
Volunteering to be disabled
Uh oh

C.H.A.O.S that’s the life for me
I’m a juvenile geriatric anorexic and obese
C.H.A.O.S that’s the life for me
C.H.A.O.S is my new belief
Uh oh

Man in a taxi says he knows Banksy
He lives in a mansion in Chelsea
I live in a high-rise council estate
I guess I’m fucked here comes an earthquake
We need someone to save the day
But all we get is Bono and Coldplay
Uh oh

I spoke to my mum through Derek Acorah
She’s not dead I just wanted to call her
I felt depressed about what I lack
Until Gok Wan gave me my confidence back
He stripped me naked on live TV
Took me to the shower and then he fucked me
Uh oh

C.H.A.O.S that’s the life for me
I’m a juvenile geriatric anorexic and obese
C.H.A.O.S that’s the life for me
C.H.A.O.S is my new belief
Uh oh

It gives me a sense of optimism
To know they’re teaching nihilism
In primary schools with Fisher Price
And not that shit about Jesus Christ
Uh oh

C.H.A.O.S that’s the life for me
I’m a juvenile geriatric anorexic and obese
C.H.A.O.S that’s the life for me
C.H.A.O.S is my new, is my new, is my new, is my new belief

04 TAX ME

Ooh tax me baby
Ooh tax me baby

Hey professor I’m a naughty student on my knees
Won’t you fuck me up for life with your huge tuition fees?

Ooh tax me baby
Ooh tax me baby

I’m sucking on your politics while you’re taking my benefits
I know you love it when I shoot my load into your deficit

Ooh tax me baby
Ooh tax me baby

Come on now I deserve this
Rough up my public service
I love to look you in the eye
When you say you’re gonna privatise me

So come on!
Push that VAT up baby!
Push that VAT up baby!
Push that VAT up baby!

There was an iron lady now there is an iron man
With two iron fists between them and I’d love it if they can
Bend me over their iron bed give me an iron screw
But they will leave me raw and red cos there’s no budget for lube

Ooh tax me baby
Ooh tax me baby

05 GOODBYE EUROPE

Last night I went to a party
Everyone came
There was France, Italy, Poland & Sweeden
We all got messed up on champagne
Couldn’t think of anything better
Than getting high with friends
But what goes up must come down
All good things must come to an end

So goodbye Europe
Now you’re done
Merci pour le bon temps
Thanks for the fun
Goodbye Europe
You know how to have a good time
Paris is swinging from the chandeliers
Berlin put speed in her wine

The dance floor really got going
When they started playing Kelis
As she sang I Hate You So Much Right Now
We all turned and looked at Greece
By sunrise we’d done all our drugs
So Denmark bought some more
She thought it was coke, it turned out to be K
Then she emptied her bowels on the floor

Goodbye Europe
That was a ball
Now Spain is puking up in the sink
And Ireland is floating face down in the swimming pool
Goodbye Europe
I want to be alone
So I’m running away and I’m not looking back
Good luck paying off that loan

Goodbye, I’m running away
Goodbye, I’m running away

[Spoken section]
Goodbye Europe darling. Darling, Europe babes, babes,
I’ve got to go home now, thank you for a great night.
Europe darling what are you doing? Don’t sit in the gutter,
don’t sit in the gutter darling it’s wet, come on pull your skirt down,
I can see your knickers.
Europe where are your shoes? How much have you and to drink?
Oh Jesus, darling I’m going to get you a glass of water,
you’ve had enough. I’m think you need some food,
I think I’m going to get you a kebab,
do you like Turkish? Oh, no sorry.
We’re gonna need an ambulance.

Come on Europe
I hate to see the state you’re in
Pick yourself up, come with me
We’re going to Beijing

06 SONG FOR A FRIEND

It’s been a long time
We’ve been living busy lives
Just getting on with it
When did we change?
Thought growing up would be slow
But all those drug-driving nights
Seem a long, long time ago
So it’s good to see you, you look well
It’s like no time’s gone between us
Yet there’s still so much to tell
About your job, my parents
The old friends we never see
And how you’ve just got engaged to
The man of your dreams
So when I met the love of your life
I don’t know what I expected
Though certainly not the man
That you’ve selected
But you seem happy
And I know that
Opposites attract
But my overwhelming feeling
Is your boyfriend is a twat

He’s a twat, he’s a twat
I would say wanker or dickhead
But he’s so much worse than that

He was patronising, condescending
His list of faults is never ending
Telling jokes with misogynistic connotations
My heart sank every time we had a conversation
When people ask you questions
He responds on your behalf
And has the smug little asshole
Ever really made you laugh?
Now I can’t tell you how to live your life
And I wouldn’t do that
But darling I’ve just got to say,
Your boyfriend is a twat

He’s a twat, he’s a twat
I would say douchebag or anus breath
But he’s so much worse than that
He’s a twat, an utter twat
And I wish you knew how much better
You could do than that

Perhaps I’m being overly protective
And things look different from your perspective
Don’t want to be that jealous friend
Desperate for your happiness to end
But I know deep down that’s not true
And I only want the best for you
So I’m telling you this undisputed fact
Your boyfriend
He really is
He truly is
A massive twat

He’s a twat, he’s a twat
I would say piss stain or Tory boy
But he’s so much worse than that
He’s a twat, an utter twat
And I wish you knew how much better
You could do than that

07 WE WANT LOVE

Here again propped at the bar on a Friday night
Whisky inside telling me I look alright (oh oh oh I’m alright)
Then I saw you there doing that pelvic dance
And I thought that’s quite provocative
This must be modern romance
And when you smiled at me electricity shot through my body
So I ignored you, pretended to look busy
Texting on my phone
Cos everybody knows
That desperation shows
And we all know how it goes

We want love but we’re emotionally distant
Love but we will try to resist it
Pretend we’re not looking for it round every corner now
We want love to find us every day
Love but we will push it away
Love and not just someone to blame when things don’t go our way
We want love

I take the same busy every day to work
And on my route there was a cute boy I wanted to get
To know better
And one day we wrote me a letter
It said:
I see you every day and I don’t know what to say
But I think you’re really pretty
Would you like to have a drink in this lonely city with me?
Here’s my number.
And I thought, he looks perfect, exactly what I want so I said
Please don’t get involved with me
I’ve got mental instabilities and STDS
Oh it’s clear to see

We want love but we’re emotionally distant
Love but we will try to resist it
Pretend we’re not looking for it round every corner now
We want love to find us every day
Love but we will push it away
Love and not just someone to blame when things don’t go our way
We want love

So this song goes out to anyone who never texts back
To the people who buy you flowers one day then disappear the next
To the people who spend every single waking second of their lives looking for love
So they can kick it in the face

In the classrooms and the saunas
In the dark rooms ,on street corners
In the offices and trendy bars
Swimming pools, back seats of cars
Everywhere that humans go we guarantee
There’ll be people finding love
And fucking it up

We want love but we’re emotionally distant
Love but we will try to resist it
Pretend we’re not looking for it round every corner now
We want love to find us every day
Love but we will push it away
Love and not just someone to blame when things don’t go our way
We want love

08 SOCIAL NETWORKS (MAKE ME FEEL SHIT SOMETIMES)

Jenny had a great night out last night
With Lisa and the crew
I know cos I liked the photos online
And fifteen other people liked them too
Dan and Sarah had a baby
His name is Lee
He was only born an hour ago
But he’s got more friends than me

Facebook makes me feel shit sometimes
Facebook makes me feel shit
Everyone’s having so much fun
While I’m outside looking in
Facebook makes me feel shit sometimes
Facebook makes me feel shit
Everyone’s having so much fun
While I’m outside looking in

I’m allowed 140 characters
But I’ve written 145
Meanwhile Greg just made a joke
That got him trending worldwide
Elizabeth is doing well
That’s nothing I resent
But does she really need to retweet
Every single compliment?

Twitter makes me feel shit sometimes
Twitter makes me feel shit
Everyone’s having so much fun
While I’m outside looking in
Twitter makes me feel shit sometimes
Twitter makes me feel shit
Everyone’s having so much fun
While I’m outside looking in

James is out, he is bored
So he’s taking photos
With a vintage filter on
Cos everything looks better in retro
I’m just having a quiet drink
I look a little bit crap
Then a camera phone is in my face
I hate that fucking app

Instagram makes me feel shit sometimes
Instagram makes me feel shit
Everyone’s having so much fun
While I’m outside looking in
Instagram makes me feel shit sometimes
Instagram makes me feel shit
Everyone’s having so much fun
While I’m outside looking in

Facebook makes me feel shit sometimes
Twitter makes feel shit
Everyone’s having such a fucking great time
While I’m just looking in
Social networks make feel shit
A totally worthless piece of shit
Cos I’m always drawing comparisons
And I’m very competitive
Social networks make me feel
My life is amazing!
Like a boring underachiever
Just got a pay-rise!
I think I should close my account
My boyfriend’s the bestest!
But I can’t stand the thought of missing out
My whole life’s a party!
Hashtag I hate you, status you make me feel shit
I am so hot
Hashtag I can’t quit status I’m addicted
I am so cool
Hashtag I hate you, status you make me feel shit
I am so fun
Hashtag I can’t quit, status I’m addicted

09 THE LIZARD MEN

The Lizard Men are everywhere controlling you with their lizardy stare
The Lizard Men present the news the Lizard Men look like me and you
The Lizard Men are all around they live in the sewers underground
The Lizard Men control your life a Lizard Person could be your wife

They control us all we don’t know why or what for
Maybe there’s not much to do in Lizard Land
Maybe they’re just bored and there’s no master plan
Don’t be so naïve

The Lizard Men shot JFK there is no God are you OK
Elvis isn’t in a grave and the first moon landing was a fake
Facebook own your holiday pics when you’re plugged into the Matrix
Nostradamus did predict that Lady GaGa would have a dick

We’re not paranoid about the reptile humanoids
the facts are watertight backed up by David Icke
Don’t trust Pink Floyd because Dark Side of the Moon is kind of in tune
with the Wizard of Oz

They walk among us and they’re g-gonna get us and they’re
W-watching every move and j-j-j-judging you
We’re gonna smoke em out r-r-reveal what they’re about
If you s-see something suspicious kill it it’s judicious

The following people are known reptilians…

We wrote this song to educate the world about the reptile race
Accusing everyone we’ve met except ourselves because of course
We’re not a threat

10 RITALIN

Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?

Nice children don’t talk back
Nice children take Prozac
We like happy faces
Behind those braces

Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?

Life can be just one vacation
If you take your medication
You won’t feel sad or emotional
You won’t feel very much at all

Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?

One story before bed
Your family are all dead
Be strong don’t cry
Or you will also die

Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?

There’s paedophiles on every corner
Stay inside lock up your daughter
If anyone’s going to hurt her bad
It may as well be mum and dad

Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?
Do you like that little bit of Ritalin we gave you?

11 PRIVACY’S FOR PAEDOS

Everybody has the right
To be free
Living their life out in the light
Not shrouded in secrecy
The truth is out there
You just gotta know
Where to look
Don’t be afraid
To ask questions
Life is an open book

Everybody’s locking their doors
Living their lives online
Private numbers, Facebook profiles
Their private lives
Take off that mask
Come out to play
I want to see your face
Show the world
Who really you are
Cos they’re going to find out anyway

Cos privacy’s for paedos
Secrecy’s for sluts
I’m knocking at your window
Let me inside
Oh what have you got to hide?

Lots of people are capable
Of doing wrong
So to protect ourselves we’ve got to find out
What the hell is going on
Look at this person sitting here
Acting all liberal and arty
Well it wouldn’t take much for me to prove you like
Nazi sex parties

Privacy’s for paedos
Secrecy’s for sluts
I’m knocking at your window
Let me inside
Oh what have you got to hide?

The public needs to know about political sleaze
The public needs to see celebrities fannies
The public needs to know who is evading tax
The Public needs to know who is a closet fag
The public needs to know who is a sex offender
And what’s going to happen next in EastEnders

Privacy’s for paedos
Secrecy’s for sluts
I’m knocking at your window
Let me inside
Oh what have you got to hide?

12 TOLERANCE

Have you got a gay daughter?
Have you got a gay son?
Have you got a gay father?
Or a fat gay mum?
Have you got a gay cat?
Have you got a gay dog?
Have you got a gay uncle?
Or a gay warthog?
Living in your gay garden
Eating all your gay grass
Can you give it a gay wash
In your big gay bath?
B A T H bath

Cos it’s OK to be gay or straight
But don’t be disabled, living off the state
Cos we won’t pay for your luxuries
Even if your legs stop at your knees
I’ve got an open mind
I don’t like to hate
But there’s only so much
That I can tolerate

Have you got a black car?
Have you got a black pen?
Have you got a black jumper?
Have you got any black friends?
Well I’ve got one
And he’s really cool
He was the only black kid
In my school
Which means I’m not racist
When I say
All Eastern Europeans
Should have to leave the UK
Get out of the UK

Oh it’s OK to be black or white
But don’t be foreign or from the Isle of Wight
Cos you don’t do things like we do
So unfortunately we are going to have to hate you
I’ve got an open mind
I don’t like to judge
But sometimes it’s hard
Not to hold a grudge

Women go on reach the top
You can be whatever you want
Single mothers you should be
Ashamed that you are not married
Hey kids don’t do drugs
They are really really really really bad and stuff
Say no to heroin, speed and Es
But coke’s OK at dinner parties

So come on
Join in the fun
Bring your double standards
And an automatic gun

There’s only so much I can tolerate.

13 FORGET YOU

Black scenes in my dreams, I’m swimming under ice
I try to keep the picture clean, try to keep the paper white
So long now since I heard you that I don’t recall the verse
But the melody still sings through, the song do do do do do do

Now the power’s been cut off
The lights have all gone out
The needles back to rest
But you’re still spinning round

And I wish I could forget you
But you keep playing in my head
I wish I could forget you
But you keep playing in my head

Black scenes in my dreams, I wish away the time
I try to keep you as a sketch and rub away the lines
So long now since I saw you that I don’t recall your face
But that melody still sings through the song do do do do do do

Now the power’s been cut off
The lights have all gone out
The needles back to rest
But you’re still spinning round

And I wish I could forget you
But you keep playing in my head
I wish I could forget you
But you keep playing in my head

Your bass and your drum
Your song keeps playing on
Your melody’s in my top twenty
Don’t know if you were number one but

I wish I could forget you
But you keep playing in my head
I wish I could forget you
But you keep playing in my head

LISTEN TO 2 EXCLUSIVE TRACKS

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